Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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