I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
