Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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