I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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