do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
