Your tits are I can't wait for
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
