i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize