I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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