My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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