96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
