I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
