So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
