Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize