woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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