If that was your dad, he is hot
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
