I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
