i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
