I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
