My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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