Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize