I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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