i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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