you guys were way drunker than both of me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
