just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
two words...techno handjob
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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