remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
