omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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