Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
