ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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