Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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