you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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