You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
