Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
