Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize