I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize