i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Drunk is not a location!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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