i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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