ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
