just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
