spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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