If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
