Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
