im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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