Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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