all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
