This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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