i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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