Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
