The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have fence marks all over my body
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
