i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
