well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
