Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
