just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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