Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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