NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
