Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
