i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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