Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
