For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
