I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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