We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
