Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
