I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
