Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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