shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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