Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
