Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize