I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
no you cant smoke seaweed
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
