thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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