You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
