i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize