We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
