I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
