All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
