Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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