i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
no, he came in my armpit
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
