youre lurking in front of me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
