Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
