Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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