Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
