question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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