...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
