there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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