When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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