I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
