the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Drunk is not a location!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
