making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
