She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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