when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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