i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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