Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
