It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
