You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
