I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
