I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
