we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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