Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
