Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
