i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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