i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
