God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
