I'm eating all of the evidence.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
