so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
