We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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