It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
