who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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