Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
