Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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