we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
