Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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