VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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