Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize