Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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