Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
