so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
